RNC loves Danzig.

Dear Diary,

Tonight I fell in love with someone. As usual my new love has 5 kids and one of those jock husbands. Why does this always happen to me? I hate jocks. No matter how big I get, they always kick my ass. Tonight I felt this perfect evil angel take my breathe away. Just as I thought I was ready to vote for McCain and got all comfy in my evil footie pajamas, I heard her speak. She said she opposed the "bridge to nowhere" and attacked Obama for having no executive experience (and McCain by implication.) ha!
That's what I call a maverick! But how can I get close to her? How can I work for the republicans....hmmmmmmm. This looks like a job for Danzig's alter ego Danzog!

Danzig (loves Sarah ( Sorry Sorsha...you were never there for me))

McCain's Voice Mail to Palin Leaked to Press

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Listen here ----------------- As many of you know I'm pretty pissed that Cheney isn't running for president but if this is the kinda crazy stuff we are in for, THEN count me in! I mean the guy already has Cain in his name so from an evil side he is already golden for me. But I want to see a little more evil before he gets my vote. I'm not asking for much....maybe drilling in Alaska or give no bid contracts to human trafficers, but no candidate is ever after the dark rocker vote and it's pissing me off. Although they do say God bless America all the time, they are never specific on which God......very crafty.... touché politics...touché.

Bangkok under state of emergency

Thailand's Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej has declared a state of emergency in the capital Bangkok, after clashes left at least one person dead.

Well I've been saying it for years. Ever since the last state of emergency in 9/30/06. Thailand is unstable and it's going to stay that way unless they put someone like me in charge. I say this coming too, because I kept getting phone calls "Danzig, what should we do? The people are getting out of control!" and they would listen and now one person is dead! One! Come on people, more people died from playing pool this weekend then in Thailand's state of emergency! Whats wrong with the world? A little perspective here.

Granted, that one dude that died is probably pretty upset and I'm sure according to him the State of emergency is justified, but really....really? This is what happens when you let China's stranglehold on other countries lighten.

Danzig at the DNC!

As many of you know my cable is out and all I have to watch is PBS. I hope every one learns from my mistake. Do NOT open gates to hell near your TIVo.
That is not what its made for and can cause some serious problems.

So as I watched Hillary go on on on about how the democrats are going to save the world from the evil republicans I couldn't help but wonder 2 things...

1) I could do this. and 2) How could I make that jumper look better.

First, I am already pretty comfortable in front of a crowd of people. I wondered what type of qualifications are needed to be a speaker at the DNC? I bet I could really get everyone in a frenzy. And my jokes wouldn't have anything to with "jumpers".

First thing this lady doesnt understand is I always have my shirt off. Perhaps if certain candidates would try this approach instead of the failed "jumper approach" she might have been talking tomorrow instead of today. Next thing I would is whip the microphone around in a way that says "DNC are you ready to rock!". And finally I would sing that cool song that actually steals the souls of people and then gives them back to other people! ha! I love that song. That always gets people in a rallying unity mood!

And second regarding the jumper...tear the sleeves, add some spike studs, and a big misfits patch on the back and she would be good to go.

Hmmmm. If I did run for president I would have to change my name.....something classy and elegant...like...like Danzog. Yes Ben Danzog

Vote Day!

That time of the year is upon us my friends. The polling place is official closed and yes I did my duty. Big on the ballet tonight was prop 98 and 99. Both have to do with eminent domain, a mean and scary phrase that means hand over your evil dungeon to us so we can turn it into a park or freeway. With a definition like that how can you like it? I have had personal experience with these shenanigans back in my early days.
I owned this sweet little duplex by the side of freeway once that i had picked out specifically because it gave a tough " I live by the freeway/railroad tracks" vibe that made the ladies skedaddle when the deed was done. Killer huh. Anyway, I was forced out by the government because they wanted to widen the freeway. I had just got the place official condemned and everything. ah you should have seen it. Of course the nerds appraising the place couldn't see the inherit evil value of the place and gave me nothing for it. All that time wasted.
So I voted a big fat no on 98 and big fat yes on 99. I know what you are going to say, "Danzig, This only protects single-family homes only, and in California, single-family homes are not as widely targeted by government to benefit private developers. So, the measure would protect nothing.". Well, I live in a single family home. So there.

My presidential endorsement

I apologize I have not done this sooner, but I always wait for Ted Kennedy to make his announcement before I make mine. I would like to endorse Dick Cheney as the President for the 2008 election.
I know what you all are going to say "Danzig, stop trying to bring about the end of the world.", but I'm a dreamer. These last four years I really thought it was going to happen, it always seemed that Armageddon was right around the corner. Hell on earth was one more pre-emptive strike away. But it never happened. damn it I swear give 4 more years....just 4 more years of just Cheney fully in charge with anyone else as Vice President and I promise the fire and brimstone will be coming.
Even though they didn't promise anything last time. Even though I didn't hear them say "We are going to blow the world up a super duper Armageddon trip" but come on... really..... am I alone? Was I the only waiting for the evil to rain down? I don't think so. In any case 4 more years ought to solve this whole.....normal earth thing. Bring on the Hellfire! Cheney 2008!